InsaneJournal

Rhiannon Christine Mondale was born in New York City. With a father who was the anchor for a famous political news program and a mother who couldn't care less, Rhi was left to fend for herself for most of her childhood. Read "fend for herself" as "rely on the help". It wasn't that her father didn't care. No, he adored his little girl. She had him wrapped around her finger, and she knew it. Whenever he was around, Rhi was showered with affection. Her mother, on the other hand, was a society wife. She wasn't a maternal figure. Rhi wasn't bothered, though. In fact, the older she got, the less she liked her mother in the first place. No ambition, constantly drinking...who wants a mother like that?

And that wasn't Lisa's only shortcoming as a parent. She took a 'tough love' approach to dealing with Rhi, when she dealt with her at all. The constant "Are you really wearing that?" and "Don't eat that dear, you don't need it to go straight to your thighs" comments were enough to nearly obliterate any confidence Rhi had in her appearance. But what was worse? She constantly compared Rhi to Marlene Summers. Her stunningly beautiful best friend. One that Rhi was already insanely jealous of.

As for her personal life in high school? It wasn't exactly the best. She was a fantastic student, involved in everything she could get her hands on: member of many clubs, president of a few, captain of the Lacrosse team her senior year, student body president and valedictorian. Yes, she was very successful at that school, academically and in her extracurriculars. But it wasn't enough. You see, she fell in love. And though one would typically think that's a wonderful thing it didn't turn out that way. In her eyes, this boy...well, he certainly wasn't perfect, but she felt that he was perfect for her. They dated for some time. But while she was away one summer, he cheated on her. With Marlene. Woo high school drama. Of course, she remains blissfully unaware that anything went on. He could never hurt her, right? He loved her!

As far as anyone knows, Rhiannon's life is charmed. She has a perfect boyfriend, a perfect family, she's the queen of the Upper East Side...she couldn't possibly have anything to complain about, right? What they don't see, however, is that that wonderful boyfriend has been drifting away from her ever since she came back from vacation that summer. They don't know that her father suspects her mother of cheating on him. They don't know how emotionally abusive her mother is. They don't know how completely alone she's felt since Marlene, her best and dearest friend, left without so much as a goodbye. All they see is what she wants them to see: a strong and intelligent young girl in complete control of her life.

But it wasn't long before Marlene Summers returned and, inevitably, all the attention was back on her. Including the attention of Rhi's boyfriend. Yeah. Rhi hasn't exactly been welcoming. Can you blame her?

--

I'm an angry liberal. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Instead of clinging to guns and religion, I cling to horrifying things like universal health care, new forms of energy, change and hope.

I believe that a community organizer has a sense of responsibility that could never come from a mayor of a small town whose main accomplishment was to build a hockey arena that did nothing but drive her town into debt. I fail to see how anyone could possibly believe that change can come from a man who voted with George W. Bush a large majority of the time and a woman who might just be more conservative than the current president.

I don't understand how anyone could honestly believe that Sarah Palin is some sort of replacement for Hillary Clinton. I don't like Hillary and I still consider it an insult to my intelligence. Sarah Palin is someone who believes that a woman has no right to choose but is supposed to be an example of women's rights. She is a step back from anything Hillary accomplished.

I follow and support a man who has given me the first feeling of pride in my country's government that I have felt in years. I understand that you can love your country and disagree with it. That's the beauty of America.

I am angry with the GOP. I am angry that a gun-wielding, bible-thumping, moose-hunting, self-proclaimed hockey mom with a 63% approval rating (not 90%, not 80%, check your facts) in the largest state by square miles, but the 47th largest by population is pissing on my leg and telling me it's raining.

I am angry with Rupert Murdoch and Fixed News. I get angry every time an "accidental" Obama/Osama slip happens. I get angry when I see "Obama/Biden - Osama Bin Laden". And what's worse is scare tactics like that actually work.

Hate me. Call me crazy. I don't give a damn. All I know is I'm going to do everything within the power of an average American citizen to keep Bush/Cheney '08 from happening.

What's amazing? A week from tomorrow I'll be in a better position to do that. ...sort of. Dylan Robert Murray, I can't believe I'm skipping out on school to pick out your ties.

--

[Private]

I love how people forget that she's in the wrong. She's the fuck-up, skanky bitch. She has no idea how badly she hurt me and she doesn't care. She's too busy being perfectly happy with her amazing boyfriend. Yeah, well he was mine before she decided to fuck him while I was away. Yeah, she had feelings for him while we were dating. Who. The fuck. Cares. There are plenty of girls who like taken guys. They don't go after them while they have girlfriends. Especially not when the girlfriend is supposed to be their best friend.

But no. Rhi's the bitch because ZOMG SHE MIGHT HAVE HURT LENEY'S FRAGILE FEELINGS. Leney was the drug-addicted, boyfriend-stealing ho, and everyone forgives her. I make a joke that may or may not have been a pointed jab and O NOES! HOW COULD I DO SUCH A THING? Leney gets away with not so much as a slap on the wrists and I get metaphorically crucified. How the fuck is that even remotely fair?

But she's so cute and everyone loves her! She can do no wrong. Almost everyone has compared me to her. My entire life. Why can't you be more like Marlene? I can't count the number of times I've heard that. And from the mouth of my own mother. I was never pretty enough. Never thin enough. Never sweet enough. Never good enough. Not for my mother, not for Nate...not for anyone. I always come up second best to Marlene Fucking Summers.

dsaghdslkaghsdlkgdsaf and I didn't even mean for it to be a cut on Leney. It honestly was a joke. If I really thought it would hurt her I wouldn't have done it. Why? I care about my friends. Even the ones who don't seem to care about me. But if it had been intended to hurt her, wouldn't I be within my rights? I'm over Nate, but I'm not over the situation. I will never, ever trust either of them again. I can't. And frankly? They don't deserve my trust.

I'm tired of being overlooked. I'm tired of being attacked for fucking jokes I make when Marlene gets away with everything. I'm tired of losing everything that matters to me to those gorgeous eyes and adorable chipmunk cheeks. I'm just tired.

[/private.]

UH OH, THE BITCH IS LOOSE AGAIN! RUN, SCURRY, FLEE! SHE MIGHT ATTACK YOU WITH HER OH SO HARMFUL WORDS AND PEDOBEAR MACROS! D:

Seriously, guys. How dare I defend myself when I'm being verbally attacked? I always seem to get in trouble for that. I should learn to curb my defense mechanisms. People like to verbally bash me and even go so far as to kick me when I'm down, but if I stand up for myself and fight back I'm SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON.

I really should just hang myself now and rid the world of my detestable company.

--

[Private]

Just a few days ago, I was saying that neither of them could have ever done this to me.

Nate and Marlene slept together. Recently? Oh no. I wish that was the case. It was...oh, about two years ago? When he was supposedly mine. And I was blissfully unaware. I trusted them. I loved them. And they went and fucked while I was away for the summer. That's...jdksghlkdshgklas

The thing that hurts most? This means that mom was right. Marlene has been and will always be prettier than me. Better than me. I lost him to her huge innocent eyes and perfect body. I lost him. There was a point when I thought I'd honestly win him back. And it was just a few hours ago. I thought he wanted me. I thought there was honestly a chance that he’d realize I was the one for him. But no. I'll never be anything but his consolation prize. Second best. Did he ever love me?

And I'm still in love with him.

And I hate that I can't get mad at them. Hate. I can't talk to them, no. But I'm not angry. And I want to be angry. I want to kick and scream. I want to break down completely. I want to punch Nate in the face and call Leney out on every little thing she does that makes me feel so God damn second-rate. But I can't. Because I know they didn't do it to hurt me. I know neither of them would ever, ever hurt me on purpose.

But they have. I'm beyond hurt. I can't think straight. I just want to lay here and pretend I don't exist. I don't want to exist. I want to disappear entirely. Dear God, I know I'm sounding like one of the pathetic scenester kids on these fucking journals but it's true.

I...I have to turn over a new leaf. I can't let Marlene outshine me anymore. I can't do it. I need to be better than her. I could...no. I can't use Nate as something to strive through anymore. I have to get the fuck over him. He has...will never look at me the way he looks at her. Ever. He looks at her like she's the only girl worth seeing. He doesn't love me. He's not the one. I need to do this for me.

I'm going to be better, thinner and prettier than she could ever hope to be. I can't sit back and let myself hide in her shadow. I'm not going to let the things my mother says about me have any ounce of truth. I'm going to take every "You're wearing that?", "Put that down, honey, you'll make a pig of yourself." and "In that dress you look almost as pretty as Marlene." for what it was. Constructive criticism. I was an idiot for thinking that she was saying these things to hurt me. No. She saw what I saw but wouldn't admit to myself. I'm not letting this happen again. I'm not. I'm going to find someone else and I'm going to make damn sure that he sees me and only me, no matter what it takes.

Dear God, I wish I could cry.

[/Private]

It's funny. I don't have to watch the rest of this season of Gossip Girl. I live it. How sweet.

--

I'll never get over you.