InsaneJournal

Abby's a bitch, to put it bluntly. Not your typical sort, though. Rather than putting herself first (like a lot of bitches seem to do), you'll only see that bitchy side of her if you mess with one of her friends. She'll be angry if you insult her, of course, but that's nothing compared to the fury you'll cause if you hurt someone she loves. She's also incredibly picky about who she's a bitch to. She won't mess with innocents. If you're a genuinely sweet person, chances are she'll be insanely protective over you. At the same time, however, she tends to make friends with complete and total assholes. The kind that are always out for themselves.

To be completely honest? It doesn't matter how you act, as long as you're not a hypocrite about it. If you're an ass and you put someone else down for doing the same thing, then you and Abby are going to have problems. She really doesn't understand the point of lying or hiding anything. Then again, it was lies that got her into trouble in her past life. She has no desire of repeating that. At any rate, you'll never meet a more honest person. She's almost brutal.

She's not the type of girl to sit around in a pretty little dress and wait for the menfolk to take care of her. Not a chance. Even when she was a little kid, she was taking care of herself and, when she was a bit older, her family. She's not afraid of getting dirty, and is very athletic. She doesn't understand why some girls would rather sit around and flirt, but she guesses it's just the family that she grew up in that makes her so different.

She does have a playful side, though. She's got a snarky sense of humor and, honestly, loves to laugh. There's nothing more relaxing than lounging around with a group of friends and making each other laugh. She's more aggressive when it comes to playing, though. Wrestling? Yes. Board games? Um...probably not, unless you want to see her get frustrated and flip the board over.

She's rough around the edges, but she's a sweet girl at heart. Not to mention, she's fiercely loyal. Just...don't get on her bad side.

When it comes to romance? Hah. Well, she's perfectly alright with sex. It's a necessity, really. But emotional attachment? Fuck that. No. She's not remotely interested. It terrifies her and, honestly, she doesn't believe that she's worth it. No one should bother with her. So she starts fights to push people away when they get too close. It's better for everyone around her, right?

Abby's childhood was rather uneventful, to be completely honest. She was the elder child of a family that wasn't poor but wasn't very well off, either. She was never the type of kid to raise a fuss over anything. Even when her younger brother was born, which is a source of dramatics for most children, she didn't get jealous or needy. She shrugged it off. She didn't need constant attention from her parents or from anyone, really. In fact she prefers not to have attention. Always has.

She was the type of person who knew from a very young age what she wanted to do with her life. She wanted to save people. Fight bad guys. So honestly, high school wasn't all that important to her. She still went to a good school (Lakeview Preparatory Academy, of course) and worked hard to do well, but she wasn't truly interested in what she did there. It wasn't until she started training to be a cop that she was honestly happy.

Of course, all good things come to an end, right? Just a few years ago, Abby was out on an assignment and things got a little out of hand. Long story short, she had to shoot someone in self-defense. He died. Abby had killed a man.

She knows she did what she had to do, that no one blames her for what happened. But killing someone isn't something you just...get over. She couldn't live with herself. She quit the police force and, not too long after, moved out of Chicago. She's been scratching out a living in New Orleans ever since, and rarely goes home. She sees her family on holidays at the most. She just hates being in Chicago.

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[Private.]

And I've done it again. Scared another one away. I completely freaked out and he gave up. I don't blame him.

I wish I could get past this, but I can't. I can't bring myself to trust someone that deeply again. Not even as a friend. I have plenty of flings, plenty of acquaintances, but I can't let anyone get close to me again. I want to, but I can't.

And it's one guy that did this to me. One guy. One incident in my life. I let Ty Bruno break me. I was stupid enough to fall for him, to believe he cared about me, and I was pathetic enough to let it affect me the way I did. I'm completely irrational. I can look back at the things I said, the way I acted and know that I'm not right. He likes me. I like him. So what? What on earth is the fucking gigantic deal? Why the fuck did I need to throw a fit like that? Why couldn't I just let him in?

It's so easy to say that now, but when I get into a situation like that I can't act rationally. I go into panic mode and run away, or I do whatever it takes to get him to hate me. Anthony's just the most recent of many that I've done this to. I can't control it. It's second nature to me now. It's one thing to talk, to bicker and argue. It's another entirely for me to feel anything for him or vice versa.

And I pushed him away. He's leaving me alone.

But I don't want him to leave me alone, and that's what scares me the most. I want to tell him. I want to apologize and explain everything, but I can't. I know I can't.

He was right to give up. I'm not worth the effort.

[/Private.]

Anthony, I'm sorry

I don't want you to

Please don't

I'm beginning to tire of New Orleans.

--

[Private.]

He wouldn't let me go. He wouldn't let me go because he couldn't bear the thought of living without me. He loves me. I never thought I knew what it would be like to love and be loved in return, but now that I have I can't imagine any greater feeling.

And I'm being sappy. I, Abigail Matthews, am being sappy. He's brought so much out of me that I never thought I had. Like...you know. Feelings. I just can't believe how incredibly happy those three little words made me.

I honestly thought I wanted to get rid of him, to get away from him before I got too attached. It was far too late to be thinking about that. I'm just as attached to him as he is to me. I've fallen for him. I never want to leave him. Never.

That terrifies me. The only other person I've come close to caring about like this hurt me badly. What if Anthony does the same? How would I deal with it?

You know what, though? For the first time in years, I'm willing to take that chance. I love him too much not to try.

[/private.]

I really don't think New Orleans has ever looked this beautiful.

Something happened for the very first time with you.
My heart melted to the ground, found something true.